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Pie Filling
(Grandpa Gil is hoeing his garden. Ciara is taking Sean, Seamus, and Meg the starfish outside.) * Ciara: Go! Outside now! All of you! * Sean: Oh, Mom, no fair, I was just about to crack level 8! * Seamus: No you weren't, no you weren't! And besides, it was my ''turn. * Ciara: No. You need some nice fresh air and exercise. You've been playing that video game all morning. * Sean: We could watch TV instead. * Seamus: Or a DVD... * Ciara: No! * Sean: Aw, Mom! There's nothing to do out here! * Grandpa Gil: Imagine that. Hee hee... * Meg: Aw, Mom! * Ciara: (chuckles) They're all yours, Dad. Good luck. * (Ciara drives off to town in her car. Sean, Seamus, and Meg look upset, but then they smile.) * Sean: She's gone! * Seamus: Let's go in! * Sean: We can finish our game! * Meg: Or watch TV! * Sean: Yeah! * (They run to the door.) * Meg: I get the remote! * Sean: Do not! * (They run into the door and bump into each other.) * Seamus: Oh, man! It's locked! * Grandpa Gil: (offscreen) Now, uh... * (Cuts to Grandpa Gil, who pulls out the key.) * Meg: Hey! * Sean: The key! * Seamus: Grandpa! * (Sean, Seamus, and Meg run to Grandpa Gil. Grandpa Gil pretends to be an airplane.) * Grandpa Gil: Vrooooooooom! Roger 10-4-9er batons at 12:00 alright! * Sean: What? * Grandpa Gil: I'm going into dive! EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! * Seamus: What are you up to, Grandpa? * Grandpa Gil: Ah, coming to land. Whooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... (gets on chair) Whoo! Ah! Ooh! (chuckles) If the old bunker carriage isn't quite what it was when I flew my airplane on Bubbletucky Farm! (cuts to him as a kid in the Raloo Rocket with his friends Deema and Goby) (narrating) The XKG-57 way cap tiger it was! * Gil: Pilot Gil reporting! All checks, eh... checked and we're A1! (imitates crackling radio) Roger dodger, over and under, down and out, and ready for takeoff, control! * Deema: Uh... Pilot Gil! Ohhhh! Could I be ground control? I think I'm getting air''SIIIIIIIIICK!!! * Gil: Get a grip, control! Ready and steady as you go! 0 with a bogey on its head! * Deema (leaps up) WEE-HEE-HEE-HOO! Where? * (Avi's mother puts an apple pie on the windowsill. Gil, Deema, and Goby smell the aroma.) * All: PIE!!! (zip off to Gil's house) * (Cuts to Ballet Pig eating grass. He spits the grass out.) * Ballet Pig: Blech! What's with this grass? It's got no flavor! No oomph! It needs salt, maybe a touch of oregano. * (Gil, Deema, and Goby zip past Ballet Pig.) * Ballet Pig: Hey, we're grazing here! On bad grass. (to the animals) Hey, you know what? ...Of course you don't. Now follow me anyway. Those kids are always eating. I bet they got great stuff. (walks off) (comes back) And they don't even have to pull it out of the ground with their teeth! * (Ballet Pig walks off again. The animals follow him. Cuts to Gil's house, where Avi's mother puts another pie on the windowsill when she sees Gil, Goby, and Deema zipping to the house.) * Avi's Mother: Uh-oh! (to Molly) DOOR! * (Molly opens the door, and, Ferny, and Dannan zip in and get on the table.) * Avi's Mother: You wouldn't be wanting a piece of me apple pie now, would you? * (Ballet Pig is on top of a stack of sheep.) * Ballet Pig: Hitch up the caboose, fellas! The gravy train just pulled in! (an animal whistles) Whoa, whoa! (falls off) Hey, that was good. Was that you, Bernie? * (Bernie nods.) * Ballet Pig: How did you get your hooves in your mouth like that? * (Avi's mother gives Gil a piece of the apple pie.) * Gil: Jakers. You know what, Mommy? I could eat that'' whole pie on the plate it sits on. * (Gil stuffs the pie in his mouth. He notices the other pie on the windowsill. He gulps the pie down.) * Gil: Uh, do you think I should try a bit of ''that ''one too? Uh, just to make sure it's as nice as this pie. * Avi's Mother: Oh! You greedy little man! (takes other pie) That's for your supper! * Gil: But I'm ready for supper! * Avi's Mother: (chuckles) It'll be here soon enough (takes her handbag and goes to town) * (Gil, Goby, Deema, and Molly go to the counter where the other pie sits. Gil is about to take the pie, but Deema stops him.) * Deema: Um, are you sure this is a good idea, Gil? * Gil: Ah, come on, Dannan! I was only gonna look! * Goby: Uh, it couldn't hurt to look, could it? * Deema: But, Avi's mom said it's for supper, and supper isn't ready yet, and- * Molly: Only look. * Deema: Well, alright. But, but no tongues. * (Gil takes the pie and puts it on the stool. Everyone smells the pie.) * Gil, Goby, Deema, and Molly: Ahhhhh... * Gil: Hmm... According to ''my ''nose, which is quite a bit bigger than yours, (pokes Deema's nose) it doesn't smell like there's... enough sugar in it. * Goby: Oh! (smells the pie) Mmm. Smells just fine to me. * Gil: Ah! But what if Mommy made a big mistake, and didn'tput in enough sugar? Now wouldn't that be just terrible? She'd be so embarrassed. "Jakers!" she'd say. (puts a towel on his head) "Never again, will I be able to hold my head up in polite company! I didn't put enough sugar in my pie! OHHHHHHHH!!!" (falls over) (takes off towel) And that's why I think I ought to taste it, just to make sure. * (Gil peels the crust off the pie. He eats a portion of it.) * Molly: Well? * Goby: Uh, well, perhaps if ''I ''gave a second opinion. (eats portion of pie) * Deema: You're right, Gil! It'd be such a shame for your mommy if her pie wasn't up to standard! (eats pie) * (Everyone starts eating the pie. The sheep are operating a crane with Wiley attached to it. The crane accidentally lowers Wiley to the ground. Cuts to the pie. It is empty. Cuts to Molly. The camera pans to Deema, then Gil, and finally, Goby.) * Goby: Uh... Do you... Do you think she will notice, Gil? * Gil: Only if she looks. (puts pie crust back on) * Deema: Oh no! What have we done? What have we done? This is a disaster! A disaster! This is all your fault, Gil! We're going to get in big BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG 'BIG 'TROUBLE! * Goby: I think it's about time I went home. Got to get cleaned up and, and, and, and, and that.' * Gil: Hey! Not so fast, Ferny. You'll miss all the fun! * Ferny: Fun?! Oh, Piggley! When your mommy gets back, we're going to be her- * Piggley: We'll find a nice, big, hot apple pie. * Dannan: What are you talking about, Piggley? We've just ''eaten ''the pie! * Piggley: And now, we're going to make another! * Ferny: Huh? * Dannan: Us? Make another? How?! * Piggley: How hard can it be? All we need are some apples and... and things. (puts pie on windowsill) Come on! * (Piggley runs out of the house.) * Ferny: Hey! Piggley! Wait for me! I know where there's some ''great ''apples. (follows Piggley) * (Dannan and Molly follow Piggley and Ferny. The sheep on the crane are lowering Wiley to the pie.) * Wiley: Lower, lower. That's it! Hold it! (smells pie) Ah, that's music to my nose. (pie deflates) Holy hairball, they sucked the pippins right out of it! And they didn't even make snickerdoodles! Pull me up, flock! * (The crane bumps Wiley's head on the roof. Then it moves Wiley away from the roof.) * Wiley: I want pie! And those kids are my meal ticket! * (The crane drops Wiley to the ground.) * Wiley: Will somebody please tell Fluffy to quit getting so close to the gears? * (Piggley, Ferny, Dannan, and Molly are running through the ruins. They stop at a wall where the orchard is.) * Ferny: Ha! There! The best apples in the world! * (The camera zooms into the orchard.) * Ferny: (offscreen) Oh... Uh... well, I think. * (Cuts to Piggley, Ferny, Dannan, and Molly.) * Dannan: Couldn't we just settle for the ''second ''best apples in the world? * (Wiley pops up from behind a bush.) * Piggley: (offscreen) Hey! I know this orchard! * (Piggley hops over the wall.) * Piggley: My uncle once told me that this orchard is filled with fairy folk and is guarded from outsiders by a fierce and mysterious beast. (Dannan gulps) It's a big, hairy thing. And it snorts something terrible. And its breath is as hot as fire! * (Piggley, Ferny, Dannan, and Molly sneak past a bush. Two eyes can be seen in the bush. Steam shoots out at Molly. She gasps and runs out of the orchard. Then steam shoots at Dannan and Ferny. They gasp and run out of the orchard.) * Piggley: You were right, Ferny! Now there's a grand looking tree! (hops up to get the apple) I've... almost... got it! Jakers, Ferny! I'm doing all the jumping. Why are ''you breathing so hard? (steam shoots at Piggley) (scared) And... and, and, and snorting?! And... (feels a beard) when did you start shaving? * (The camera pans to the creature next to Piggley. It is a big goat. It snorts at Piggley.) * Piggley: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! * (Piggley runs away. The goat charges at Piggley. He sends Piggley flying out of the orchard.) * Piggley: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! ''(crashes down) * Goat: (snorts) * (Cuts to Piggley, Ferny, Dannan, and Molly. Piggley, Ferny, and Molly were wearing buckets on their heads.) * Piggley: Ah. It's going to take a bigger, and fiercer, and mighty than a beast to keep us from getting ''our ''apples. Right, lads? * Ferny: Right! * Molly: Right! * Dannan: I think I'll stay here and loook after Molly. She's a little young to be scrapping with beasts, you know. * Molly: It's not ''really ''a beast. It's just an old goat. * Dannan: A VERY, NASTY OLD GOAT! So... (chuckles) I'll stay here and make sure nothing happens. * Piggley: Okay, Ferny! * Piggley and Ferny: (charge to goat) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWAY! (bang their pans) GO AWAY! GO! GO! RUN! GO AWAY! * (Piggley and Ferny stop at the goat. The goat glares at them. Piggley looks at an apple above the goat. He hits it down with his spoon on the goat. Cut to Dannan and Molly, who look over the wall and gasp. The goat sends Piggley and Ferny flying out of the orchard.) * Piggley and Ferny: ''WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! (crash down) * Goat: (snorts) * Dannan: (to Molly) There. Glad I was here to look after you, aren't you? * Piggley: (gets up) Right! This is a job for all three of us! * Dannan: What, what, what? * Piggley: You're not scared ''are you, Dannan? * Dannan: Scared? Me? Me? Scared? HA! Scared! Ha ha! * (Cuts to Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan in a cow costume.) * Dannan: I'm scared. * (They walk past the goat and to the tree. The cow and the goat look at each other for a while. Piggley's arm comes out of the costume and takes some apples. Wiley is looking behind a bush. His flock walks past him. Piggley takes another apple. Ferny accidentally drops an apple out of the costume.) * Ferny: Oops! (chuckles) Butterfingers. Sorry. * (The goat sends Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan flying out of the orchard.) * Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-'' * (Suddenly, the story stops.) * Seamus: (offscreen) Hold it, Grandpa. Hold it. * (Cuts to Grandpa Piggley, Sean, Seamus, and Meg.) * Seamus: You mean the goat rammed all three of you in the air? * Sean: In a goat costume? * Grandpa Piggley: Now, boys, do I look to you the sort of person who'd make up a thing like that? * Sean: Did it make your rump sore? * Grandpa Piggley: (feels his bottom) Well, I do still get a bit of a twinge in me backside every now and then. * Meg: So, did you ever get enough apples to make a pie, Grandpa? * Grandpa Piggley: Oh, yes. That we did. I'm not saying it was easy... * (Cuts back to the story. It plays again.) * Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! ''(crash down in front of Molly) * Grandpa Piggley: (narrating) ...but it was well worth the effort. * Molly: You did it! You got the apples! * Dannan: Well come on, then! Let's go and make another pie so that thing doesn't go for us! * (The goat comes after them.) * Dannan: Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! * (Piggley and Ferny leave the orchard with Dannan and Molly. The goat is about to chase after them when...) * Wiley: Psst! Hey, buddy! Hiya, handsome! Like those apples, huh? Ever had them in a pie? Sure, you get crumbs in your beard, but you could use one of them little combs to get them right out. (goat snorts at him) Right. You're busy. You got goat business, right? Hehe, gotcha. There's no business like goat business. Forgive me. I'll just help myself to a few of your apples before I take my lead, is that alright? * (Suddenly, the goat realizes what is happening. Wiley is sitting on a stack of sheep. He gets an apple from a tree and eats it.) * Wiley: Wow! Wowzers! Mmm, this is good, this is good, this is ''really good! (takes another bite) My tongue is throwing a party for my mouth! (takes another apple) What aroma, what boquet! Mmm, this is so delicious! Mmm! * (The goat charges at Wiley and the sheep. Wiley and the sheep soar through the air.) * Wiley: Whoa-whoa! Whoa! * (Cuts to Piggley, Ferny, Dannan, and Molly, who are running to the house.) * Grandpa Piggley: (narrating) We went back to the house with all ''our apples. Me mother was just heading off to town. So we had the whole kitchen to ourselves! * Piggley: So, uh, we've got apples, and we still need eggs, milk, and sugar for the pie. * Molly: And flour. * Piggley: Dannan, you get the eggs! * Molly: I'll get the flour! * Piggley: Uh, Ferny, you get the milk. * Ferny: Uh, uh, right. Milk! * Molly: I'll get the flour! * Piggley: Okay, Molly... Uh, you go with Ferny to help get the milk. (Molly storms to Ferny) I'll get the sugar, and we'll all meet back here! * (Ferny, Dannan, and Molly run outside to get the eggs, milk, and flour for the pie.) * Piggley: Sure Mommy won't notice a cup full of sugar out of her sugar bag. * (Piggley pours some sugar in the sugar cup.) * Piggley: Oh! There we go! Sugar! Now, e-(lots of sugar spills all over him) * (Ferny, Dannan, and Molly walk in with the eggs, milk, and flour.) * Ferny: Uh, Piggley? * Dannan: I got the eggs, and we got the milk, and did you get the sugar Piggley? Piggley? * (Cuts to the sugar pile with Piggley's arm holding the cup full of sugar sticking out. Ferny, Dannan, and Molly smile. Cuts to Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan at the table with their ingredients for the apple pie.) * Piggley: Right! Well done, everyone! Now we've got everything we need! Sugar,... * Ferny: Uh, bucket! * Dannan: That's milk, Ferny, and eggs... * (Molly throws the bag of flour on the table, covering Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan in flour.) * Molly: And flour. * Piggley: Good. Now for the apples. * (The door could be heard opening. Piggley, Ferny, Dannan, and Molly turn around and see the goat.) * Goat: (snorts angrily) * (Molly hides under the table.) * Gil: (nervously) Hello, Gorillagator. You wouldn't, uh... by any chance... be after... these apples. * (The Gorillagator growls and kicks the door shut. Cuts to the outside of Gil's house shaking and jumping.) * Deema: (offscreen) 'YOWWWWWWWWW!!!! OOH-AAAAAGH-OW!' * Goby: WHOA, WHOA! * (Avi's mother is seen pulling into the driveway.) * Gil: (screaming) * Deema: OW! Ooh-hoo! * (Cuts to inside the house. Gil is jumping off of the Gorillagator's head. The entire kitchen is a mess.) * Goby: Janey Mack, Gil, it's your mother! * Dannan: What are we going to do?! * (The goat shrugs and snorts. He takes the bucket of apples. He kicks an apple at Piggley. Cuts to outside where the goat leaves the house through the door. Piggley's mother is seen getting out of the car. Cuts to in the kitchen.) * Ferny: Oh, your mother's going to be powerful mad! * Piggley: Plan B! Molly, you go keep Mommy busy outside. We're going to clean up like Captain Clean and the Clean Brigade on a really clean cleaning day! * Molly: Okay, Piggley! * (Molly runs outside to Piggley's mother.) * Molly: (gasps) Mommy! You came back! (holds onto Piggley's mother)P * Piggley's Mother: Yes. I live here, dontcha know? (laughs) * (Cuts to Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan cleaning up the kitchen. Piggley is picking up the apples. Cuts to Molly and Piggley's mother.) * Molly: Oh, I'm ''so ''glad you came home! Now you can, uh, you can, uh, hear me alphabet! * Piggley's Mother: Oh, not right now, pet. I've got things to- * Molly: ♪A, B, C, Q, R, 1, I am not so nearly done.♪ * (Cuts to Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan.) * Piggley: Come on, come on, come on, come on! Molly can't keep her out there forever! * (Cuts to Piggley's mother.) * Piggley's Mother: Uh, Molly dear.. * (Cuts to Ferny cleaning up with a sponge. He picks up something disgusting.) * Ferny: Uhh.. EWWWW! Would you look at that! Ech! * (Cuts to Molly and Piggley's mother.) * Piggley's Mother: ...Molly... Oh... * Molly: ♪6, and J, and T, and V, there's lot's more, so listen to me.♪ * (Cuts to Dannan cleaning the kitchen.) * Dannan: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! PIGGLEY! (Piggley and Ferny turn around) 'THE PIE!!!' * Piggley and Ferny: THE PIE! * (Piggley takes the pie off the windowsill and runs to the table with it. He puts the flour, sugar, milk, and eggs into the pie.) * Ferny: (offscreen) Oh, Piggley, you're a genius! * Dannan: (offscreen) And such a great pie maker! * (Piggley picks up the apples. He puts the apples into the pie.) * Ferny: Hurry it up, will you? * (Piggley puts the crust on the pie.) * Piggley: There! Apple pie, a la Piggley! (chuckles) * Ferny and Dannan: ...PERFECT! * (Cuts to Molly and Piggley's mother coming to the door.) * Molly: ♪S, R, T, and U, and...♪ * (Piggley puts the pie on the counter. Cuts back to Molly and Piggley's mother.) * Piggley's Mother: I've got to put the groceries away now. * Molly: It wasn't my idea! * (Piggley's Mother looks at Molly confused. Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan run to the table. Piggley's Mother comes in the house with the groceries. She sees Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan covered in flour. She gasps when she sees the sugar pile and the pie.) * Piggley's Mother: Well now, what's this? (gasp) Ferny, you've got to get out in the sun a bit more. You're awfully pale, me boy-o! Why, all three of you are! You know what you need? You need a nice piece of my delicious pie. * Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan: (gasp) * Piggley: But, but, but, (stammers) I mean, er, w-w-we could wait until suppertime. * Piggley's Mother: I insist you deserve it. * (She gives Piggley, Ferny, and Dannan three pieces of the pie. Piggley takes a piece of the disgusting pie and puts it close to his mouth. It fades to Grandpa Piggley pretending to eat the pie.) * Grandpa Piggley: That pie tasted every bit as bad as a bullfrog's bunion. But guess what? We ate it. We ate every last bite. Ooh. Just thinking about it makes me stomach turn somersaults. * Meg: Ewwww, gross! * Grandpa Piggley: Yes, it was gross. But we had fun that day with a goat ''and we didn't watch a single video screen from morning till pie time. * Sean: Wow! * Seamus: Amazing! * Meg: I don't know how you did it. * (A car horn can be heard.) * Sean: Mom's home! * Seamus: Video games! * Meg: I get the good TV! * Grandpa Piggley: Wait! (gets up from his chair) Hey, hey, hey! Can I come along now and play a video game with you? * Sean: Er, well um... * Grandpa Piggley: (chuckles) You wouldn't be worried that your old Grandpa Piggley is on level 10 and you're all still stuck on level 3 now, would you?